Don’t Do … That!

15 Dec

Title: Don’t Do … That!

December 11, 2018

Day 68

Noon Position: 45 36S  32 43W

Course(t)/Speed(kts): E 7

Wind(t/tws): NW 15

Sea(t/ft): NW 3

Sky: FOG. A solid 24 hours of fog!

10ths Cloud Cover: 10

Bar(mb): 1011, falling

Cabin Temp(f): 61

Water Temp(f): 51

Relative Humidity(%): 83

Sail: Working jib and main, broad reach

Noon-to-Noon Miles Made Good (nm): 130

Miles since departure: 9155

Avg. Miles/Day: 135

By way of explaining my tremendous gaffe, the below.*

Monte: (urgently) Senior, please, we must to have a discussion.

Randall: Certainly my faithful pilot. What’s concerning you?

Monte: I have just watched your nice picture of the beautiful waves and with Senior Handel and it is all very good except that in it you are … (Monte says very quietly) … whistling…

Randall: And…

Monte: (aghast) Senior, that is very bad luck! You must not whi … I cannot say the word, but you must not do it. It is like to throw hot milk on Neptune’s cat. When I was a boy on the Santa Maria, I would have been keel hauled for … for doing that.

Randall: (slaps head)

Monte: I cannot believe you do not know this. You have read all the books about the great Captain Aubrey. Your father he was a captain in the merchant Navy. He said you could whi … you know, that … ONLY when there was no wind in the sails and then you also prick a backstay with your finger. But may I to point out our current position is not one of being becalmed. This is not that kind of ocean. You NEVER, NEVER …. do that … HERE.

Randall: I know, I know … I can’t believe …

Monte: So, what is very important is that you stop. Now. Please you will notice I have put up a sign over the companionway ladder as a reminder. And when you prepare dinner tonight, you must “cook up a storm,” for as you may recall, the cook is the only person allowed to … to do that. May I recommend a pot roast of lamb, which is my favorite. And I’ll have some of your Madera by way of acknowledgement for bringing this important issue to your attention.

Randall: We don’t have any Madera aboard.

Monte: Oh, what do you call it then, that evening beverage you have?

Randall: Beer.

Monte: (grimaces) Oh, a shame. Well, if that is what you have…

Lacking anything resembling a roast, I have made a large pot of beef curry, which steamed up the windows something fierce. Monte seemed satisfied.

And I have stopped doing … you know … that.

*Thank you to my friend, Matt, for pointing out the offense.

In other news, I got the dodger door, the one that pulled apart when we were pooped, sewed back up today.

This article was syndicated from The Figure 8 Voyage


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